Oh, the places technology has​ allowed us to go!

 

benjamin-davies-287077-unsplash
benjamin-davies-287077-unsplash.jpg

 

Back in 1989, I became involved with the Westchester Chapter of the Hearing Loss Association of America (www.hearingloss.org). I remember my first meeting. It was then that I discovered that there was life beyond my old analog hearing aids. Soon,  I became familiar with Assistive Listening Devices (ALDs) and flashing devices.

New technology has given all of us an opportunity to function better and live fuller lives.  Over the years, the technology has only gotten better.

Early Devices: Pocketalker, TTY/TDDs and Closed Captioning Devices

My first joy was in trying out the Pocketalker device. If you aren’t familiar with Pocketalker, it is a small device the size of a pack of cards with a microphone and a cord of varying sizes. It can be used for one-on-one conversations, or it can be used extended to clip to a TV or other sound source.

Then there was the day I went to the home of our former chapter president. She was getting a new closed captioning device, and she offered me the one she had been using only suggesting that I make a small donation to our local chapter.  The day I brought the device home and hooked it up to my television, my family and I watched words dance across the screen to the sound of high-pitched tiny beeps. The problem with the early devices was the captions were often garbled.  Also, many shows were not captioned.

Then there was my first TTY/TDD. I bought this device when my hearing loss became more severe. AMAZING was my first thought!  Once again, I could communicate by phone. After that, I got flashing and vibrating devices to alert me to the doorbell, the telephone and to wake me up in the morning.  These devices helped me to function and remain part of the workforce.

A lot has changed since those days. Now that I am profoundly deaf and I wear cochlear implants, my needs have changed as well. There will be more on that in a future post. How lucky I feel to be living in a time that has so much to offer persons with varying levels of hearing loss.

Utilizing Cell Phones, Computers, Accessories, and Resources

Perhaps the most pronounced change came with the use of cell phones and computers. Here are some examples of how technology has evolved:

  • Both hearing aid and cochlear implant users can use Bluetooth-enabled phones to stream cell phone conversations and music directly into their Bluetooth-ready hearing devices. This is of particular value because many recipients are bilateral, and bilateral listening often provides for a richer experience.
  • Closed-captioning devices are no longer needed for televisions since all televisions 13 inches or larger are now required to have built-in captioning.
  • There are many captioned landline phones out there that are often free to persons with hearing loss. Companies such as CaptionCall (www.captioncallphone.com) and Captel (www.captel.com) are examples.
  • Also, companies such as InnoCaption (www.innoCaption.com), Clear Captions (www.clearcaptions.com) and Hamilton Captel offer apps for cell phones free of charge.
  • Internet newscasts are often captioned just with a click in settings.
  • Text messages are an option if the caller isn’t comfortable with their level of hearing on the phone.
  • Cochlear implant companies have developed accessories for persons with hearing loss. Some of these devices include TV devices for better listening, a personal microphone for restaurants and noisy environments and a phone device as mentioned above for conversations and music. You can visit the three major providers at www.cochlear.com, www.Advancedbionics.com, and www.medel.com.
  • Movie theaters routinely provide captioned movies. Check out www.captionfish.com.
  • In New York City, Galapro is available for captioning of Broadway shows delivered right to your phone. Check out the application for further details. Aso, don’t forget about www.TDF.org for captioned performances both on and off Broadway.
  • We are seeing more visual alerting systems in public transportation. Some subway systems such as those in New York offer assistance with loops if you turn on your t-switch. Some cabs provide t-switch amplification.

If I go back to a time when my hearing loss really impacted my life, I think of all that I missed. Decades of movies. Music. Important conversations. Still, I feel pretty lucky. Those who lived long ago never had the opportunity to hear what I got back with digital hearing aids, cochlear implants, and assistive accessories.

Going back in time: Beethoven, Mozart, Helen Keller and Thomas Edison

Think how beautiful it would have been if Beethoven had the opportunity to once again hear the music that brought so much joy to everyone else’s ears. Imagine how much easier it would have been for Thomas Edison to have had an interactive conversation with his friends Henry Ford, Harvey Firestone and John Burroughs. How special would it have been if Helen Keller had been able to have a live chat with her good friend, Mark Twain? I think of this often and feel so much gratitude for living in these extraordinary times that allow me to participate in all the sounds of life. Imagine what tomorrow will bring!

How has the technology for persons with hearing loss affected your life?

Closing Note:  Mention of any websites,  services or devices are included in this post as a courtesy and are not intended as a statement of endorsement.  

Did you know that…?

In my last post, I mentioned how much I appreciated how candidly Dan Rather spoke about his own hearing loss at a book lecture.  A few weeks ago, I attended another book lecture, this time the guest speaker was Anna Quindlen.

Anna Quindlen has a way of speaking that can make anyone in the room feel like she just stopped by to chat over a cup of coffee.  She is refreshingly honest, down to earth and funny.  In person and on paper she comes across as someone who is acutely aware of the human condition.  Then there was the moment she mentioned that when she was younger she stuttered.

Writers have a wonderful opportunity to inform and enlighten others through their words.  But it doesn’t stop there.  All people who are famous are in a unique position to show  others that persons with disabilities can be found in every walk of life.  This is important because it reminds the younger members of society that sometimes barriers can be broken.

Here is a sampling of some well-known individuals with disabilities past and present who have been successful:

Hearing loss:

Thomas Edison, Bill Clinton, Stephen Colbert, Jane Lynch, Jodie Foster, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Leslie Nielson, William Shatner, Eric Clapton, Andrew Foster, Lou Ferrigno, Helen Keller and Nanette Fabray

Speech disorders:

Winston Churchill, King George VI, James Earl Jones, Marilyn Monroe, John Stossel, Tim Gunn, Joe Biden, Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, Mike Rowe, Jack Welch, Bill Walton

ADD and ADHD:

Justin Timberlake,  Jamie Oliver, Will Smith, James Carville, Michael Phelps, Paris Hilton, Jim Carrey, Ty Pennigton, Sir Richard Branson, Terry Bradshaw and Pete Rose

Vision:

Ray Charles, Andrea Bocelli, Stevie Wonder, Helen Keller, Louis Braille, John Milton, Jose’ Feliciano and Homer

Epilepsy:

Prince, Elton John,  Danny Glover, Alexander the Great, Theodore Roosevelt, Harriet Tubman, Truman Capote, Lewis Carroll, Edgar Allan Poe, Julius, Caesar, George Gershwin, Vincent van Gogh, Socrates , Charles Dickens and Michelangelo

We also know of the impact people like Stephen Hawking and Christopher Reeve have left on society.

The message here is that when there is an open discussion about famous persons and their disability, it reminds society that persons with disabilities have the potential to be major contributors in our society given the chance.  If you look at some of the talent listed here, the world has been enriched with music, art, science, literature and profound insights.

An Open Letter of Thanks to Dan Rather for Bringing Hearing Loss to the Forefront of a Discussion

aaron-burden-211846

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Dear Dan Rather,

In late January you were a guest speaker at my local Barnes & Noble store to discuss What Unites Us, a book authored by you & Elliot Kirschner (https://www.amazon.com/What-Unites-Us-Reflections-Patriotism).   The crowds arrived early, and people began to line up well before starting time.

I am a late-deafened baby boomer, but I am a bilateral cochlear implant recipient, so I can function pretty well while wearing my devices.  Due to my less-than-perfect hearing, I arrive at these events well in advance to ensure good seating.  On this particular evening, I was able to get a second-row seat in the center of the event area.  Eager and ready, I pulled out a small microphone that serves as an assistive device to supplement my cochlear devices.  Needless to say, staying connected to our world is a priority those of us who suffer from profound hearing loss need to keep up with.

As the program began, the crowds clapped and you were seated.  It took a few small adjustments to make sure the store’s microphone for the event was working optimally.  I sat in my seat feeling somewhat conspicuous pointing my personal microphone in your direction.  As you looked straight ahead, I did my best to hear the program and get the full benefit from assistive technology. But wait.  Did I spot at least one hearing aid when you turned your head?  Perhaps then, you would understand why I was pointing this tiny device in your direction.  I was trying to get the full benefit of your words.

Right before the questions from the audience began, you stated you had a confession to make.  You informed the audience that your hearing is not what it used to be, preparing them for the possibility of not hearing a question or even answering it inappropriately through no fault of your own.  Then you went on to tell the audience about Walter Cronkite who suffered from hearing loss in his lifetime.  You added a humorous story that so many of us whose hearing is not what it used to be can relate to.

But it didn’t end there.  A young man in the audience with a small child opened a discussion about race.  He said that he looked around the room and there were few people in the audience that looked like people “where he comes from.”  It was so important that the young child with him could witness your insightful response.  It was also important to me that this young child heard you speak openly about your own hearing loss, sometimes with the humor we all need to keep things in perspective.

Finally, often on social media I see young people with hearing loss or culturally Deaf individuals ask what kind of job someone with hearing loss can do.  You validated the point that persons with hearing loss can be whatever they want to be just by being present and speaking candidly.  Hearing loss is a disability, and unfortunately issues concerning persons with disabilities is an often forgotten part of discussions about diversity.

Getting back to that small child, through your words, the next generation was reminded that although change often comes slowly, an open discussion gives a voice to those of us who have felt on the outskirts of society for whatever reason.  Mr. Rather, that is something that unites us, and I thank you.

With gratitude,

Mary Grace Whalen

Dan Rather’s website is www.danrather.com  

Here is a link to a humorous story Dan Rather has posted on hearing loss and aging:

 

 

 

 

 

How do you define time well spent?

nordwood-themes-467442
Photo by NordWood Themes on Unsplash

As the year comes to a close, we often become introspective about life and the year ahead.  As I grow older, one truth is for sure.  Time is the most important gift we can give others or ourselves.  Time well spent on wellness, friendship, family, being productive and sometimes just being still with nature, — it’s all good.

One thing experiencing deafness has taught me is that there is a value to sitting still in the quiet and coming to terms with problems both large and small.  Sometimes we need to pause before we can move on to the next dimension in our lives.  It is in those moments that we find solutions.

In this hurried world, it is hard to believe stopping to refresh our thoughts is a productive state.  But it is sometimes necessary especially as we grow older.

Babies are born.  We see people we love struggle with illness and pain.  People die.  We must always keep the torch burning and share some light with others, especially in their time of need.

How do we measure time?  We are all here for just a brief nanosecond.  More and more, I want every second to count.  I don’t think most of us realize early on how quickly life passes or that life can change in a second.

Sometimes life happens in the simplest of moments.

I for one love to go out in the woods to just listen to the language of the tiny animals, watch diffused sunlight move through the trees, smell the autumn air or feel the crunch of snow under my feet.  Somehow, that’s where everything comes into focus.  Just me, the forest and the tiny critters.

The ocean seems to be the place most people will go for solitude or reinvention.  I’ve always felt that may be because it may take us back to the safety of our first journey in amniotic fluid before taking our first breath.  When my hearing loss accelerated and I no longer could hear the waves crashing, I felt like the Earth had lost its rhythm or heartbeat.  I felt disconnected for a long time until I could hear those sounds again.

We are far more connected to nature than we realize.  Just a day off from the office and into the woods will remind us that there is so much more going on in this world than the frenzied pace we are used to. We are only part of the equation.

I remember a few years ago, one of the professors I worked with decided to retire.  When everyone asked him what he wanted to do in retirement his answer was simple.  He wanted to spend more time sitting under his favorite tree.  That’s all.  But he didn’t get to do that very much when he was working.

Whenever the year comes to a close, like many people, I ask myself where am I going?  How can I be a better person? What matters?  But this year I am challenging myself to the question, “How will I spend my time in the coming year?”

Maybe it’s good to live our lives like every day is our only day.  We spend so much time on trivia.  Here’s to the coming year and time well spent.

Happy New Year!

 

 

 

 

What are your favorite sounds of the season past and present?

simon-matzinger-202022
Credit:  Call of the Light by Robert Zunikoff (Unsplash)

Do certain sounds of the season evoke fond memories from another time?  Perhaps they signal the beginning of the holiday season?

When I was growing up, if my mother pulled out her 33 RPM record with Nat King Cole singing The Christmas Song, I knew Santa was soon to be on his way.  Hearing the clink of ribbon candy hitting the bottom of her Depression-era glass candy dishes meant she had finally completed the last measure of preparation and decorating.  Later on, we would hear the sound of the tension springs on the oven door as she pulled delectable goodies from the oven.

Here are some sounds of the season that are special to me, past and present:

Hearing the organist at Radio City Music Hall play holiday tunes

The sound of heavy, crunchy snow under my boots

Hearing someone feverishly ripping off wrapping paper and hearing in their voice how happy you made them for picking out something special

Playing Feliz Navidad by Jose Feliciano over and over because it’s a feel-good tune

Ditto for Brenda Lee’s Rocking Around The Christmas Tree

Hearing the Salvation Army ring their bell and knowing there are still good people who take the time to care about the downtrodden

Hearing my grandson sing Jingle Bells with his Pre-K class with enthusiasm– children are the ray of hope for the world

Taking the time to go see The Nutcracker, and enjoying the music

Bumping into someone dear while shopping, and having a special catch-up chat

Staying up until midnight on December 31 to hear 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1…Happy New Year! and watching people all over the world celebrate new beginnings

The clink of two glasses toasting and celebrating all that was and all that we hope for in the coming year

What are some of your favorite sounds of the season?  I’d love to hear from you!   

May you have reasons to enjoy the season.  Here’s wishing you hope, peace, joy and many reasons to feel gratitude.

Happy New Year!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Hearing Health Is Far More Important Than We Thought, And What We Can Do To Be Proactive

It seems every week there is a new report linking hearing loss to a host of diseases and conditions.  Why did it take us so long to realize whatever happens to one part of the body often affects other areas?

Homeostasis– The tendency toward a relatively stable equilibrium between interdependent elements, especially as maintained by physiological processes (www.dictionary.com)

For starters, most of us who have worn hearing aids have foot the bill out of our own pockets for decades.  It seems the insurance industry did not make the connection between hearing loss and how it can affect overall health.  That is unfortunate.  Expensive for us, and perhaps in the end expensive for them if you count the number of people who have not treated hearing loss over the years because it was cost-prohibitive if the connection to disease is correct.  Everything we do, every emotion, every small action contributes to our homeostasis.

There are studies going as far back as the 1960s that have studied hearing loss and coronary heart disease.  Samuel Rosen and Pekka Olin working out of The Mount Sinai Hospital and New York Eye and Ear Infirmary published an article entitled Hearing Loss and Coronary Heart Disease. They studied members of the Mabaan tribe in southeast Sudan and compared them to Americans in industrial areas of the United States.  Diet and stress in America were compared to the simple life and diet of the Mabaan tribe and their quiet surroundings.

In 2014 Dr. Frank Lin, M.D. Ph.D published an article Hearing Loss Linked to Accelerated Brain Tissue Loss.  In this article, Dr. Lin discussed the link between dementia and “fast-track” brain shrinkage in older adults.  

According to the American Diabetes Association (www.diabetes.org), hearing loss is twice as common in people with diabetes as it is  in those who don’t have the disease.  With 86 million adults in the U.S. who have pre-diabetes, the rate of hearing loss is 30 percent higher than those with normal blood glucose.  Still, the connection remains unknown.

In a WEBMD article penned by Kathleen Doheny, hearing loss is associated with depression in American adults, especially women and in both sexes younger than age 70.

If that isn’t enough, some statin drug studies have implied a possible connection between hearing loss and using the drugs.  Some diuretics such as hydrochlorothiazide are suspected of increasing the chances of diabetes as well as one beta blocker drug.  So the new question would be, is there also a prescription drug connection to inducing these conditions and/or hearing loss? Either way, these drugs are often life-saving solutions to an immediate and bigger danger.

So what can we do to be proactive?

  1.  It seems the same healthy diet for heart disease, diabetes and other conditions is prescribed for overall health.  What role does sugar, salt, unhealthy fats play in hearing loss and other conditions?  There are many books out there that discuss these conditions and optimum health.  Some of my favorite ones are by Dr. Andrew Weil (drweil.com), Dr. Mark Hyman (drhyman.com), Dr. Dean Ornish (www.deanornish.com), Dr. David Perlmutter (drperlmutter.com) and Dr. William Davis (wheatbellyblog.com).  Mark Bittman (markbittman.com) has written some good cookbooks with healthy recipes.
  2. Get a complete physical.  
  3. Exercise not only keeps the arteries healthy, it helps to move glucose into the right places and out of your body.  In addition, it has been shown to improve mood and lessen depression.
  4. Meditate.  Find a quiet place after a busy day.  This may seem odd to say as choosing amplification over silence is theoretically one of the best ways to keep an active and healthy brain.  But at the end of the day, amplification can be tiring as anyone with either hearing aids or cochlear implants will tell you. Controlling stress is equally important.
  5. Stay connected.  We are so lucky to be living at a time when there are captioned phones, captioned TVs, amplifying and flashing devices, captioned Broadway shows and movies, amplifying devices in museums and state-of-the art accessories for both hearing aid and cochlear implant users.
  6. Take a chance.  Try something new.  Be an active participant in your own story. Keep a journal.  Read good books that inspire you to be your best you.
  7. Join an advocacy group such as Hearing Loss Association of America, (hearingloss.org), or Association of Late-Deafened Adults (www.alda.org) or Say What Club (saywhatclub.com).
  8. Get a dog.  Some preliminary studies have shown having a dog can affect blood pressure positively, improve mood and overall well being.  You might want to look into getting a service dog with Canine Companions for Independence (www.cci.org) or Dogs for the Deaf  (www.dogsforthedeaf.org).
  9.  Don’t get discouraged.  People with hearing loss have the same needs as those who don’t, — family connections and positive interpersonal relationships, good friends, good times, respect in the workplace and last but not least, a good belly laugh.  Find a reason to laugh every single day.

The best way we can use this information connecting these conditions to hearing loss is to consider it a heads up and do everything we can to prevent or control these conditions and be positive.

 

 

 

 

My Wake-Up Call

IMG_0522 copy
Glen Island Park, New Rochelle, NY – Mary Grace Whalen

 

It was a busy time for me at my job. During the day, I was a full-time employee at our local College, and by night I was teaching three undergraduate courses to adult learners. In between, I was a contracted employee helping out with student advisement.

I’ve always been reluctant to take time off during a busy period, but I was coughing, losing my voice and wished I could just crawl into bed with a box of tissues. Being a stickler for attendance, I have gone as long as two years without taking a sick day. In retrospect, I’m not sure that was always a good thing.

But I rationalized that it would be just a few more days until I would go on vacation with my daughters, Valerie and Melissa. It was Valerie’s 30th birthday, and we planned a trip to Puerto Rico. I imagined myself sitting under a palm tree, with bright sunshine and perhaps a pina colada with a tiny umbrella in hand. I was certain the warm sunshine and a little rest would remedy this bad cold I couldn’t seem to shake.

Upon landing, I noticed I felt a little heady. It was a feeling similar to being underwater. My first thought was that it was a temporary result of the cabin pressure.

My right ear has always been my good ear, even though otosclerosis has permeated both of my ears. My left ear received a stapedectomy years ago, and it temporarily gave me back some of my hearing. Otosclerosis is an abnormal growth of the middle ear bones which causes them to become fixated and reduces the transmission of sound. Because of the otosclerosis, I have a mixed loss in both ears. Despite all of this, with hearing aids my loss was diagnosed as moderate to severe until 2005.

Shortly after we arrived in our beautiful hotel room in San Juan overlooking plush greenery and a pool with sapphire water, I noticed the red light in the hotel room phone was flashing. I placed the phone to my right ear to listen to messages. I thought it was odd that there was no dial tone, but I assumed my hearing aid battery just died. After changing the battery, still no dial tone. The message was beginning to register, but I was still in shock. I placed the receiver up to my left ear, which I never used for phone conversations, and I heard a faint dial tone. I sat there for a minute in disbelief.

My family members have always been my greatest advocates, and although they did everything they could to try to help me communicate, I was grouchy, touchy, depressed and yes scared. It rained every day while we were there, and it seemed fitting.

Upon returning to New York, I visited an ENT doctor who went the usual route in giving me Prednisone with the hope that the loss was temporary. But he did warn me that it was probably permanent because with this drug you must act fast.

I visited my local audiologist and she tested my hearing over a period of weeks. I remember feeling a strong vibration that was painful when she was testing my residual hearing. But no sound. I did see a look of horror on her face and saw her look at me and exclaim, “Mary!” She then came around to where I was seated and hugged me. I was now profoundly deaf in that ear. A hearing aid only provided hissing that only interfered with my ability to hear on the other side.

So this would be my new normal. I had difficulty following in meetings at work. Trying to continue with heavy phone use was a real stressor. I had trouble functioning in a classroom of 30 students. I resented I could not participate in social activities with friends. At family dinners I focused on eating because I could not hear what was going on. Food became a form of instant gratification and I found myself retreating more and more. I found a comfort zone in isolation. Realizing this, well that was my wake-up call.

www.cochlear.com/us/wakeupcall

After anger, denial and a lot of other emotions, I went into the City and visited a few doctors asking for their opinion on how to go forward. That’s when I started searching for peer-reviewed research articles on otosclerosis and cochlear implantation, and I learned many others had been successfully implanted. When I met Dr. J. Thomas Roland, I knew he would be the one to operate on me for my implant. He had operated on others with this condition, and I liked how he explained to me how Cochlear Americas had different arrays for difficult situations, and all options would be ready and available in the operating room. Despite all this, my surgery was uncomplicated and a standard array was used.

IMG_0516 copy
A view of the drawbridge at Glen Island Park     Mary Grace Whalen

One day, after being activated, I took a walk down by the water in my hometown, New Rochelle, NY. Glen Island Park is a pretty shore area with a drawbridge, gazebos, a sandy beach, grassy slopes, hills, tiny sailboats and larger ones passing through when the guard lifts the gate. One of the rites of summer was to hear the ding, ding ding warning for the bridge to rise, and to see the guard wave to those crossing under the bridge. I have many coming-of-age warm memories of Glen Island, — the smell of Coppertone tanning lotion, transistor radios playing doo wop, cute boys with winning smiles and lifeguards in dark sunglasses.

So, there I was just walking across the drawbridge with my 3G, the first behind-the-ear (BTE) processor Cochlear Americas marketed. I stopped midway. I was in awe. I heard the waves rippling for the first time in years! I heard ducks quacking as the waves rippled below. There I was, hanging my arms over the bridge, my face looking down as tears streamed from my eyes. These were the sounds I missed so much from summers past. I felt like someone just gave me oxygen and I was breathing for the first time in a very long time.

IMG_0511 copy
Glen Island Park, New Rochelle NY just as beautiful in winter.  Mary Grace Whalen

Then I became aware of a car slowly crossing the bridge, looking towards me. Perhaps he saw how emotional I got and thought I was going to jump? Then I felt myself laugh at the irony of it all and continued to exit the bridge.

IMG_0521 copy
A view from the gazebo- Glen Island Park-Mary Grace Whalen

 

Since then, I have lost the hearing in my left ear and opted to go bilateral. Two ears are better than one because they help to localize sound. So much has changed since I received that 3G processor years ago. With new accessories I can once again watch TV, go to the movies, listen to music and participate in a conversation with my grandson. While these may seem like simple pleasures, it’s been a long time and I’m feeling very grateful to be experiencing life again in living color.

Views expressed here are my own. Consult your hearing health provider to determine if you are a candidate for Cochlear technology. Outcomes and results may vary.

Copyright © Mary Grace Whalen 2017. All Rights Reserved. Portions of this article are from my upcoming book, Living In The Color Magenta.

www.marygracewhalen.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sooo…What’s it like to date and be deaf, gray and Italian?

In an old re-run of the Sex and the City series, Candice Bergen plays Carrie’s single boss.  She laments to Carrie that the older man in her life should be seeking women his own age, and that every time an older man seeks an younger partner, the pool gets smaller for her and other older women.  This statement represents a belief held by many older women.

I married my high school sweetheart.  A few years after being widowed, I started dating again. Wow was that ever a shock for me to see what dating was like at 56!   I can’t say there aren’t good and nice men out there.  Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there.  But as mama says, you can’t hurry love.  I have often looked up to the sky and wondered what my husband would have thought of some of the crazy men I have dated.  I then imagine him looking back down at me shaking his head and asking, “Where did you meet that guy?”  But someday, if we meet again, I have a lot of stories to tell.

Admittedly, the first man I dated I broke up with because I simply wasn’t ready.  Not his fault.  He WAS a good guy.  It’s just some of the random experiences in between then and now that if anything have made me more aware, and yes given me a few laughs.

Take the hairstylist who always wanted to know if I was seeing someone.  Bingo! She knew a man who wore hearing aids, was my age and loved traveling all over the country in his RV, — something I would like to do someday.  There’s a lot of truth to the fact that we who have hearing aids or cochlear implants sometimes communicate differently, and it takes a special person to understand that.  But that is where the similarity between me and this man ends as I soon learned.  We arranged a meeting.

He took me to a top-rated restaurant and called ahead to ask for seating that was conducive to my hearing loss, which was far worse than his.  Nice.  Then after telling him I was trying to lose weight so I was going to watch what I ate, he ordered plate after plate of appetizers, insisting that I taste them all.  I’m sure he meant well.  But he spent the whole night lamenting about how his second wife left him, — taking most of his assets before leaving.  He never asked me anything about my life.  He just talked nonstop.

Then there was the guy who really tried to come into my world of profound hearing loss by learning sign language for those times I might need a little extra help.  That really touched my heart.  But he didn’t know how to talk to wait staff, and returned just about every meal he ordered out with statements about how poorly the food was prepared.  As the mother of a professional chef,  I didn’t digest that well, no pun intended.  Then one night, he asked me to close all the lights in my house because he “borrowed some money from some bad people” who were after him.  My home is not a stakeout!  I later learned his his ex-wife was also after him for child support payments.

By now, I had already received my first cochlear implant.  How about the guy who wanted to know if my hearing would get worse?  I told him I did not come with a warranty.  Besides, he had a life-threatening illness.  What if I asked him about that?  Wouldn’t it be rude? Truth is, my hearing DID get worse.  I now wear two cochlear implants.  So what?

Now this really gets good, or bad might be a better word.  I met this guy who was widowed like me.  Had two kids.  Brought me flowers. Not one dozen, but two dozen on the first date.  Took me to the top of the Rock and on a dinner cruise around Manhattan in the same day.  Took me on a helicopter ride around Manhattan another day and to see the Rockettes perform the Christmas show.  We ate in the best of restaurants and had a lot of fun together.  And then he planned a picnic upstate because I mentioned loving to photograph cows.  But he got into foul moods sometimes without explanation.  He was a no-show for New Year’s eve, and he told me he punched the TV when he found out the diagnosis of his new dog was “deaf.”  I said, “The dog is dead?,” when he called me on the phone.  He said no, “THE DOG IS DEAF!”  So now he had a deaf dog and and a deaf girlfriend.  So his behavior prompted me to do a Google search on him.  It turned out he had a long history of drug and alcohol abuse, and he had an arrest for driving down the street the wrong way in another state under the influence.  He didn’t drink or show evidence of drugs when he was with me, except the moods.  But I attributed it to the grief that comes when we have lost a spouse.  When I read about his abuse and knew how I trusted him, my whole body shook.  I had to sit down and process it.  Although he was of Russian/Jewish heritage, he put down on the record I found on Google that he was Cambodian.  He must have been flying high!

Then there was the profoundly religious man 10 years my junior who loved my silver tresses.  He would call me on the phone at night when he got out of work and talk to me, — for four hours on average.  We talked about life.  About God.  He quoted Biblical passages.  He even told me after his marriage failed he was considering converting to Episcopalian to become a priest.   He opened doors, paid for everything, and I even invited him to meet my children on Christmas eve.  Then he started acting weird.  So, once again this prompted me to do a Google search on him, which I should have done in the first place.  Trust is earned.  Well, not only did he already have another girlfriend when he met me, but she created a blog warning other women to stay away from him.  This woman never knew I existed, but if I ever met her I would have thanked her for not letting me get into this any deeper.

Some of the funniest experiences I have had have been through online dating.  Men lie about their age.  When you meet them in person, they don’t look anything like their picture.  I never went out with anyone who didn’t post a picture.  Show your face if you have nothing to hide.  Then there is the type who has no picture, no profile information but just messages you with a phone number.  Huh?  What is there to love about someone who won’t be transparent?  Then there is the type that posts a profile like it is a resume listing all their accomplishments since the Beatles came to town, letting us know they were at Woodstock and that everyone thinks they are really perhaps 35 or 40. Right!

At the end of my work life, I was an adjunct professor of English.  I taught writing and research courses, and I found myself mentally marking up online profiles with that little red pen in my head.  If you are going to lie, use spellcheck!

Here are some examples:

“I went to collage.”

“I am a docter.”

“I like feminine woman who wear colon.”

Then there is the actual meeting.  One guy I was suppose to meet at Panera Bread for coffee, suddenly stepped out from a hidden doorway when he saw me.  Was he going to slip away if he didn’t like what he saw?

Also,  there was the guy who posted a profile picture about 20 years old that looked like he escaped from a nursing home when we met.  He told me he was from Poland, and that I should know his story was like that of Dr. Zhivago, leaving a wife behind that he later divorced. That he was involved in testing behavior modification in a joint project with the United States.  He claimed he escaped the former Soviet Union and the iron curtain.  History gave away his age.  For a man with a doctorate, if he was going to be a liar, he should at least have a good memory.  It was actually very nice to talk to someone smart. But no thanks.

As far as ethnicity is concerned, the beauty of this age is that we are not out to impress anyone or satisfy their limitations.  We date whomever we wish to date, and many of us care more about mutual values than background.  Diversity can only enrich our experience.  To each his own, but a dedicated, loving partner trumps differences.

I have since given up on online dating, although I know some who have had good experiences.  But I haven’t given up on love.  They say you will meet someone when you least expect it.  It’s always nice to have a partner.  That is the highest compliment you can pay your partner who has passed because it means they gave you a wonderful example of what love SHOULD be.

In the meantime, someday if my husband and I do meet again in the hereafter, I have some funny stories to tell him.

 

 

 

Hearing Loss and Aging: Fact or Fallacy?

We’ve all been present at some time or another when someone makes a hurtful comment about hearing loss.  Often, these comments imply hearing loss and aging go hand in hand.

“The ears are the first thing to go, haha.” How many times have we heard this?

Sometimes we witness people imitating a nineteenth-century horn placed in the ear or cupping the ear imitating how we look when we struggle to hear.

Over the years, one of the main reasons I have heard friends or family give when they are resistant to getting help is the negative stereotype society has placed on wearing these devices.  We’ve all seen the advertisements claiming the manufacturer has the smallest device to offer, almost invisible!  Finally, the industry has realized that a plastic flesh-colored instrument still looks like a hearing aid.  Both the hearing aid and cochlear implant manufacturers have realized that many people really want something that is small or similar to mainstream Bluetooth devices.

Is there any truth that hearing loss is a sign of aging?  The short answer is sometimes.  Babies are born everyday who are deaf.  Sometimes, children who are born deaf have multiple disabilities, and sometimes being deaf is their only disability.

Let’s talk about the adult population.  Here are some interesting facts about hearing loss, disease and aging:

“Age-related hearing loss (presbycusis) is the loss of hearing that gradually occurs in most of us as we grow older.  It is one of the most common conditions affecting older and elderly adults.” (nidcd.nih.gov)

“A recent study found that hearing loss is twice as common in people with diabetes as it is in those who don’t have the disease.  Also, of the 86 million adults in the U.S. who have pre-diabetes, the rate of hearing loss is 30 percent higher than in those with normal blood glucose.” (diabetes.org)

“Studies have shown that a healthy cardiovascular system–a person’s heart, arteries and veins–has a positive effect on hearing.  Conversely, inadequate blood flow and trauma to the blood vessels of the inner ear can contribute to hearing loss.”  (better hearing.org)

Having a stroke may damage the areas of your brain related to hearing–this can cause hearing loss. (www.nhs.uk)

Dementia – Many of us who belong to the Hearing Loss Association of America (www.hearingloss.org), have had the opportunity to hear Dr. Frank Lin speak.  Dr. Lin, as an assistant professor at John Hopkins and an otologist and epidemiologist studies the effects of hearing loss in older adults.  According to an article in the January 15, 2015 Chicago Tribune, “A 2011 study of some 600 older adults found that those with hearing loss at the beginning of the study were more likely to develop dementia than adults with normal hearing.  In fact, the more severe the hearing loss, the more likely they were to develop dementia; volunteers with mild, moderate and severe loss were two, three and five times more likely to develop dementia than those with normal hearing. (chicagotribune.com)

I found this interesting because as we age, our metabolism slows down:   In a 2010 study, Shinichi Someya, et al  found that a caloric restriction extends the life span and health span of a variety and species and slows the progression of age-related hearing loss.  The study implies this may be true in mammals. (journals.plos.org)

There are other areas of our well being that hearing loss can affect.  Many people with hearing loss are isolated, depressed, lack socialization and connections, and all of these can affect our homeostasis.  As some of this research implies, the ear is not an isolated part of our being.

Finally, to get back to the beginning of this article which references jokes about the ears being the first thing to go, countless studies by health professional such as gerontologists, hospice workers and others will tell you at the end of life, hearing is the last sense to go.

“Most people with a terminal illness become unconscious in the last few hours or even days before death.  But that doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t know you are there.  Many palliative care and hospice professionals will tell you that hearing is often the last sense to go at the end of life. ” (m.webmd.com)

Well after your loved one can no longer speak, he or she can still hear you say, “I love you.”  (m.webmd.com)  I think that’s pretty amazing.

 

 

 

 

 

Happy International Cochlear Implant Day!

Things I Will Never Take For Granted

20150617_110420
Ocean Waves Crashing at Block Island 2015
img_8640
A Seagull at Montauk 2015

img_3033
Conch Shell Simulating the Sound of the Ocean

 

img_3034-2
My Kanso Processor that turns me into a hearing person.  Poof!!!!!

A trip down to the shore just to listen to the waves crashing

Seagulls gliding through a blue sky, singing in their own unique language

Being able to hear the words, “I love you”

Walking through the woods and hearing the chatter of all the tiny critters and nature at its best

Celebrating a birthday and being able to hear the people I love sing the birthday song

Crickets singing their slumber song after a weary day

The heartbeat of the people and puppies I love

The intonation and emotion in someone’s voice and words

That clinking sound of two glasses and the words “cheers”

Doing my happy dance around the kitchen table to the tunes of my youth

Being able to hear the words “everything will be alright”

Hearing Auld Lang Syne at the stroke of midnight and knowing the world is rejoicing in the birth of a new year with me

Being able to talk on the phone and laugh and cry about life with friends and family

Being able to talk to my three-year-old grandson, and each of us being able to know and love each other through words

Just being part of the world around me and using all of my senses

How could the day go by without acknowledging the work of Graeme Clark who developed the “Bionic Ear”  and Chief Scientist,  Jim Patrick of Cochlear Corporation www.cochlear.com?  All these wonderful sounds would never be possible for me without their hard work and dedication to our cause.